Around the Bend: Unforeseen Sexual Consequences of Infant Circumcision

6/13/2012

A woman discusses how circumcision has had a negative impact on her and her husband's sex life.
Posted With Permission from Author

My 37 year-old cut husband absolutely detests the fact his penis is now severely curved and his skin is so tight that it's overly shiny in spots. After sex, those spots tend to get raw and sore and sometimes even bleed. All because his mom decided she preferred a cut penis. I really get frustrated when people act like it's no big deal.

His father is intact with no issues, but his mom thinks circumcised looks better. So she chose to circumcise my husband in 1975. He has never had a good relationship with her, even as a child, and had a lot of unexplained problems with depression and self worth. He now wonders if it's not linked.

When we first had intercourse, the first thing I noticed was his penis curved strongly to the one side. We didn't know that was a side effect of circumcision and just laughed about it. Sex has always been good but it also has been painful. The side of his penis that pulls has shiny skin that is very tight and can be painful for him at times. Sometimes after sex he will even bleed a bit and develop raw spots in that area. I've had intact sex before so I know how wonderful it can be, how it works and how pleasurable it is.

Sex with my husband has been difficult. It's good sex but it has drawbacks (which we now know are directly because of him being circumcised.) We are both so bothered by this that it's hard to even want to have sex now. For him, he has the issues of the rawness and for me, it's the fact that it is dry and not the same as intact movement. Another issue is that we are just now aware of WHY he has this problem, and it serves as a reminder that we are left to deal with his mother's decision for his body. Worst part is: she gets to have sex with an intact man!!

He is just entering the early stages of foreskin restoration and the first day he tried to pull enough skin forward for taping, he couldn't squeeze enough to even move down the shaft. He got so frustrated he threw everything down and cursed his mother. He's been trying slowly and is finally able to get enough to put in the cone, but it's not been easy. There have been plenty of moments where he has been so frustrated over this choice his Mom thought she had the right to make so many years ago. Thirty-seven years later- HER preference means absolutely nothing and we suffer with the side effects.

Alex

6/13/2012 12:24:10 am

Keep at it with the restoration. It's slow, its tedious, and you'll feel like its going no where sometimes - but its worth it. With perseverance we can regain what was taken from us and reclaim some of our sexual birthright. I wish you both good luck.

Anonymous

6/13/2012 01:25:52 am

My Husband is cut as well, but he is unaware of the issues because of his own circumcision. I wish I had an intact Partner. He wanted our Son cut but I refused. My Husband has a hairy shaft and gets dry spots at the base of the glans where it meets the shaft. His penis is so scarred and ugly looking, and when I see it I want to cry. I wish I could talk to him about restoring. Since I love him, I just don't talk about it. It's not his fault.

6/13/2012 09:03:25 am

This is me too.

Anon

8/7/2012 04:42:54 am

And me.

9/6/2013 01:18:47 am

Lisa

9/6/2013 06:46:00 pm

And me. My husband was circumcised twice! Once in the hospital before being adopted and once after being adopted as an infant in a Bris ceremony. :( I'd venture to say that his anger issues and his attitude toward women are directly related to his circumcisions. He has a very bad temper and an attitude that he's superior over women, in general. It took me a long time to get him out of his porn viewing habit after I met him.

12/3/2012 09:47:24 am

Me too :( I'd give anything to change the past so she couldn't have forced this on him.
We only have sex 4-6x a year because of it, and though he's an attentive and very thoughtful lover, I dread every time and hate every second of it. It hurts. It hurts bad.

9/5/2013 11:25:49 pm

Me too. Me three. Me four, five, six . . . Just in case anyone thinks that women can't have an opinion concerning male circumcision because they don't have penises. Maybe we just want our daughters spared.

6/13/2012 02:42:24 am

I will never fully understand why a father and mother that have normal intact sex would choose this for their son. they obviously know there is nothing medically wrong with an intact penis and must choosing it for cosmetic reasons. To me that is so sad. I'm more understanding of how a couple that has known nothing but circ would choose it for their son.

cosmopolite

7/29/2012 04:57:31 pm

Between 1870 and 1950, tens of millions of intact fathers raised cut sons. (This was an era when fathers did not change diapers or give baths.) Tens of thousands of intact doctors cut babies every week. Tens of thousands of nurses restrained babies with their hands while doctors cut into their penises. Anesthesia was NEVER used, and the Circumstraint was first marketed in 1956. All this left almost no trace in the written record of that era. I cannot ever recall reading a passage in fiction or memoir from that era, where a parent mulls over the circumcisions of his or her own sons, and wonders Why? This was an era where doctors were seen as god-like figures. To disregard the advice of a doctor was deemed evidence that one was seriously uneducated. Medical journals praised circ before 1920, but much less so afterwards. Why were doctors so keen to circumcise after 1920? Circumcision was propagated almost entirely by the clinical education of that era. Textbooks said little about it, except to depict the penis as bald.

I conclude that American sexuality several generations ago was a peculiar and repressed affair. A lot of the opinions of Freud missed the mark or were weirdly fanciful. What very badly needed Freudian criticism was the maniacal routine circumcision of the English speaking countries.

T Rose

8/4/2012 01:50:56 pm

My grandfather was born at home in Italy in 1912 and immigrated to the US in 1913. When I told him my son (born in 1991) was uncut he said "Good! Leave it alone!" When I asked him why he had my uncle cut in the 50s, he said, "THOSE G-DAMN DOCTORS WILL CONVINCE YOU OF ANYTHING!"

9/6/2013 07:01:30 pm

My dad is intact (according to my mom) and I have one brother. My mom and dad got him circumcised when he was born in 1970. When he was 18 months old, my mom had to get him re-circumcised because his penis was starting to necrotize (the tissue was dying). For the 2nd procedure, he was given general anesthesia. The first circumcision was without pain meds. My mom told me she was there with him and had to hold his arms down during the procedure. She told me it was horrible! She HAD to do the 2nd circumcision because of the necrotizing. He would have lost his penis otherwise. If she hadn't done the first circumcision, a 2nd one wouldn't have been necessary. Needless to say, she's very much against circumcision (and probably has been since that horrible day in 1970). She's VERY proud of me! Three of her four children have children of their own. (My brother doesn't have any kids. My two sisters both have one boy and two girls each.) I'm the only one of all my siblings who left my boys intact. I have two beautiful, perfect little boys. As perfect as the days they were born. And I'm pretty proud of myself, too! The horror ends with me. I'm raising my boys to believe in NOT circumcising! :)

MrBBQ

6/13/2012 03:51:37 am

Don't lose hope! It will get better with restoration. It's important to learn how to deal with frustration because there is a lot of it being an activist :)

C link

6/13/2012 09:03:44 am

Wow, that was very powerful. Your husband is very lucky to have you as a partner, even if he is unlucky to have been wounded by genital mutilation.

I also feel those sexual trade-offs sometimes too. I sometimes decide to not have sex because I don't want to deal with the emotional soup that gets stirred up when I feel terribly mutilated at the same time as I most want to feel happy, content, and close to my lover. I still struggle with explaining this to new lovers... There are just so many different ways that it hurts.

Thank you for sharing your story.

David J Llewellyn link

6/14/2012 12:57:43 am

It is regrettable, but this is what happens when too much shaft skin is removed, as it is in a large number of circumcisions. Your husband's complaints are quite common, but rarely discussed, and are virtually unmentioned in the medical literature. But any honest urologist will tell you that this condition is not uncommon. A former Navy urologist told me how he had numerous complaints from servicement during his short Naval career that were virtually identical to those you describe. Parents need to consider these facts before agreeing to circumcise. Maybe if they did the circumcision rate would be zero.

Restoring Tally link

6/16/2012 02:09:41 pm

I, too, had a tight circumcision. Not as tight as the husband in this post, but still too tight. I tried wearing a restoring device when I started, but had no success. Fortunately, manual tugging with method 2 worked wonders. It was easy to manual tug with a tight shaft. I quickly noticed a big difference as a grew slack skin. He needs to try manual tugging or use a tape method until he has enough slack skin to wear a device comfortably.

Jessica

6/17/2012 10:33:04 am

Wow... I am a 33 year old woman, who up until 5 years ago, 100% believed I would circumcise any of the future males I gave birth too, but after researching, and marrying a man who is uncut learned that the choice to keep my future sons intact is the way to go. I wasn't a horrible person for having my previous feeling about circumcision, I was just misinformed. We live in a country that circumcision is the accepted norm. When I read the above post I am NOT being educated about the negative effects of being circumcised. What I am being shown is a woman who has serious issues with her mother in law and needs to deal with those issues before she jumps on a website, that I assume is meant to educate, and slams a woman who can't defend herself for actions she took 39 years ago, most likely under the advice of a physician. The problem with the internet is that anyone, anywhere can jump on, spew any nonsense that they want, and gain a reaction. The people it hurts are the ones who are trying to educate, because when people use a platform like keeping their children safe from circumcision, as their own personal machete for sticking it to their mother in laws, the reason behind the cause is lost. Lets keep focused on the point.

Gabriel

6/18/2012 01:50:04 pm

I agree with you! I never thought anything was wrong with circumcision until now when I read this... I wish I had read this 9 months ago before my son was born. His father is cut and has never had any problems so I didn't think there would be. Plus, I am a Baptist and was always told that it is one of the things we do. Slamming someone because of not being informed is rude and immature. I feel personally attacked by this lady. I circumcised my son, without knowing this.

yuuichi link

7/2/2012 11:09:56 am

You SHOULD feel that the person you were 9 months ago is being personally attacked. It should be personally attacked by yourself, every waking moment. Don't you regret what you did with every piece of your soul?

This essay isn't attacking you, but criticizing who you were before, which you should agree with wholeheartedly if you take infant mutilation seriously. It's also a wake-up call for people who are still like you were before. Why would you feel defensive of what you did?

I'm not saying you should feel awful, but if you don't feel terribly awful there's something wrong with you. It's not something you just forget about. It follows you for the rest of your life. You need to accept that you were that person and that you are no longer, and find comfort in this, not in denying that you were ever that person or that it was other people's fault.

IWantMyForeskinBack !

8/24/2012 04:24:00 am

Not being informed about circumcision in 2012 is unacceptable !
Didn't you have internet 9 months ago ? Or were you just lazy ?

I was circumcised at one , and living in Europe surrounded by intact boys , I became aware of being mutilated at 10 !

Being 48 today , I feel personally attacked by circumcision every day for the last 38 years , and will feel that way until the day I die !

My body hasn't been respected , I have to live my whole life with a sexual mutilation I would NEVER have choosen for myself , and now I should walk on eggshells to not offend mothers who were too lazy to educate themselves about the body modification they wanted to impose on their own HEALTHY and NORMAL baby boys ?!

If the victims have to live with the pain and suffering of this despicable practice for their whole life , why shouldn't the perpetretors ?

Judith

7/2/2012 11:13:45 am

Wow...Um, get over yourself, Jessica. The wife in the above post can express her feelings however she sees fit. The MIL is not mentioned by name, but it WAS her ignorance that NOW pains her son. True, she did what she thought was right. I too thought I would circumcise any sons I had, BUT I did research before that was possible. I looked into what a circumcision really is. Every woman who is pregnant with a boy can do the exact same thing. Posts such as these do enlighten others. They show that our baby boys will someday be sexually active men who own their penises. This man's mother incorrectly assumed she owned her son's penis, but she didn't. I would be mad too!

Dreamer

7/2/2012 09:06:49 pm

What this shows is that circumcision has real victims with real expectations in life. Doesn't everyone want to enjoy a fulfilling sexual life? Doesn't everyone want to feel proud of their body -whether male or female? When you take a part of the body of the baby, the baby stays hurting inside the man. The man might repress it, but it's the baby who feels the loss for a lifetime.

And guess who caused the harm? Well meaning parents, doctors who should have been protecting the patient, hospitals who didn't stop to question the ethics of the procedure and people acting in the name of religion.

Do parents want to harm their babies? No. Does their decision has lifetime consequences? Yes. The harm is not any less real for those who have to live with it.

In order to change this cycle of abuse and harm, we have to call things what they are. We have to tell parents that good intentions are not enough, if they don't learn the facts, if they don't stop to question their cultural conditioning. We have to tell parents that kids get hurt, that the damage lasts a lifetime, and that it can happen to their baby. They have the power to prevent it, but they need to know that.

Jim Rizer

7/2/2012 10:17:05 pm

The parents should be required to be present during the circumcision of their son. I'm sure this barbaric practice would end soon.

7/10/2012 11:54:14 am

Agreed Dreamer, however, it should be done without attacking other people for doing what they believed was right. Every era and generation is different and each one learns from the one before. It doesn't change anything attacking well meaning parents. Parenting and trying to do the best by your children is the hardest job in the world---especially with all that is out there. Condeming people for decisions made in the past doesn't change the present circumstance but healthy attitude can go a long long way.

Wendy

7/3/2012 03:14:23 am

My thoughts on this: Did the medical community even 'ask' informed consent or consent at all, for circumcision in the past decades? Or was it just what happened, and mother's, and father's- cut or not-didn't actually have a 'choice' in what was happening in the hospital after birth...

7/3/2012 03:35:16 am

Wendy:
It depended a lot on the hospital and the provider. In the 1950's, there were a lot of hospitals and physicians that didn't ask for consent from parents, they just did what they wanted. Some parents do report being horrified at what was done to their son. For that matter, there are still some cases today of boys being mutilated without the consent of their parents.

That said, it's still the duty of the parents to protect their child from harm. I feel that very few parents take responsibility for their actions or failure to act. They try to excuse their failure with "I didn't know" or "they didn't ask me", which might be true, but are BS. If I were to kill someone, "I didn't know" or "I didn't mean to" might get me less time, but I'd still be going to prison.

I grew up feeling closeted about my feelings of mutilation. A simple "I did something terrible when I was a new parent, and I'm really sorry. I would feel very terribly hurt if I was you." would have done a lot for me as a teenager - it would have completely changed my worldview, and would have probably prevented a lot of emotional damage.

I've only ever met a few parents who were brave enough to own up to what they did to their son. (i.e.Failed to protect him.)

7/10/2012 11:43:00 am

Very well said Jessica, I couldn't agree more. That is exactly how I felt reading the post as well.

jessica

7/10/2012 12:03:12 pm

Hateful, bitter people do not create change.

Jim

7/26/2012 08:20:41 pm

Jessica,
The whole post is about her and her partner and both the physical and probable emotional outcomes from his genital mutilation as a child/infant. It's really much less about the mother-in-law, but yes, it was his mother that chose cosmetic surgery on behalf of her son(where was the intact father?) and that is disturbing. Both parents had the moral and legal duty to safeguard their child's welfare and they both failed. Being misinformed doesn't let you off the hook. My contention is that an intact father, who knows sex as nature intended, failed to intervene.

8/24/2012 04:41:13 am

" When I read the above post I am NOT being educated about the negative effects of being circumcised. "

Of course you are !

You are educated about the physical negative effects of circumcision for the sex life of the adult man , for his penis , and for his wife , and the negative emotions for the wife due to that unconsented amputation !

8/24/2012 04:41:41 am

8/24/2012 04:44:49 am

Kristy

7/2/2012 12:37:21 pm

If anyone had ever decided to remove a part of my genitals i would hate them, and i would let the world know that i hate them so that people would stop doing it.

8/24/2012 04:53:46 am

EXACTLY !

If they don't want to listen , there is only one thing to do : scream louder and louder , UNTIL they listen ....AND STOP hurting the next generations !

Dreamer link

7/2/2012 12:40:39 pm

Very powerful article. Thank you for sharing. Stay strong, keep restoring. Best wishes.

Alfred C. Schram

7/2/2012 03:55:32 pm

I had the same problem, with the shaft completely bend to the left. When we were married (in 1957), our wedding night would have been a disaster, had my wife not been patient and understanding. After discussing the situation with her, I consulted a urologist about surgical foreskin restoration. But at that time, cosmetic surgery was in its infancy, and the results of surgical foreskin restoration were unaesthetic at best and beyond our financial means. I only found out about non-surgical restoration six year ago. Even though by that time my wife's Alzheimer's prevented her from comprehending what I had initiated, her earlier support in seeking surgical restoration kept me committed. She passed away two years ago, and did not have a chance to experience what she had expected. Still, I feel that I owe to her memory the commitment to a full restoration.
I understand your husband frustration: it took me several months of manual tugging on the short side before being able to put t-tapes around the shaft, and several more months to grow enough skin for a TLC.
You are a very gracious lady to support and encourage your husband in his restoration. If there is anything that I could say to help you and your husband, you may contact me at [email protected].
Alfred Schram.

7/10/2012 12:09:41 pm

Change is made from educating the misinformed. There are more misinformed people in this country then not. A person who has been groomed to believe that being circumcised is the healthy normal choice, is not going to reconsider their options by listening to some hateful woman tearing apart her mother in law. Knowing the facts, and the consequences, and being able to explain those to the public is what incites change.

alfred C. Schram

7/10/2012 02:35:06 pm

Exactly: you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

8/24/2012 05:01:42 am

jessica , you are a woman , so I guess you enjoyed your intact vagina your whole life , so even if you know ABOUT the harms and negative feelings this forced amputation creates , you don't know HOW they really feel , because it never happened to you .

So you have NO RIGHT to tell victims how they should express their feelings about a sexual mutilation you NEVER EXPERIENCED !!!

8/24/2012 07:11:55 am

Well if that is the way you feel I suppose the author of the article had no right to write the article, being as she is a WOMAN!

8/24/2012 07:12:47 am

Well if that is the way you feel I suppose the author of the article had no right to write the article in the first place, being as she is a WOMAN!

8/24/2012 07:27:47 am

Is the autor telling the victims of MGM HOW they should express their feelings in a more appropriate way ?

I don't think so !

8/24/2012 07:41:10 am

No she is just terrorizing her mother in law.

8/24/2012 07:49:17 am

No , she is just sharing in the most honest and sincere way her personal and painful experience , and a lot of people whith similar experiences are very grateful to her for her openness .

8/24/2012 07:55:58 am

I believe everyone has a right to express their opinions. I don't need to have a penis to know that circumcision is a dangerous procedure, that causes permanent damage. I do believe that when you try to reach people and create change you have more influence when you are rational, and state the facts.

8/24/2012 08:08:29 am

Well , I believe it's extremely important that to let people know how angry and hurt MGM victims feel ; cutters like to say that no man ever complains, when in fact we both know that they do !

8/24/2012 08:46:07 am

I agree with you, you should tell your story, including all of your emotions. I think you are confusing my point. My comment is based on the fact that she continually made snide comments about her mother in law, to me it did not come off as a way to tell her story, her husband's story and how it affects their lives, but a way to bash a mother in law that she doesn't care for.

8/24/2012 09:33:29 am

I re-read the story , and she's just telling the facts , and this m.i.l. seems to be a pretty odious person !

First she has her son cut for the most superficial reason , aesthetics , and not only should parents not perform plastic surgery on their babys , but on healthy genitals is even worse : does she intend to have sex whith him one day ? How does she know his future partner will also prefer circumcised penises ?

Second strange thing , her own husband is intact , so she DOES know better ! Isn't she happy with her husband's intact penis ? And again , how can she assume that her son's future partner(s) will feel like her ?

And thirdly , instead of saying she's sorry for the wrong choice she's done back then , she seems to say that " she had the right to make so many years ago " .

What's wrong with this woman , can't she say she's sorry if she's made a mistake ?

Obviously , with an intact husband , she wasn't as ignorant as most american women back then , who had never even seen a foreskin .

Looks to me that this m.i.l. is a manipulative bitch , who's had her son's foreskin amputated as a kind of power play .

Anna

7/13/2012 06:08:37 am

Sure she's bitter but the article is showing the reality behind the parent's saying "he'll thank me for it later"

And what person wouldn't be bitter in this situation? Someone else tampered with their sex life.

7/13/2012 02:26:03 pm

I don't think anything in the article ever stated a parent saying "he'll thank me later for it."
The issue is we live in a country where circumcision is the accepted norm. I don't think many of us living in America don't have at least one male relative that is circumcised. Are all of our relatives selfish, hateful, irresponsible people?
The word needs to be spread that this is not an option, but it has to be done in a tactful way.

7/13/2012 02:26:08 pm

8/24/2012 05:08:47 am

" The word needs to be spread that this is not an option, but it has to be done in a tactful way."

Oh yeah ?

Maybe my penis should have been protected from butchery " in a tactful way " !!!

8/25/2012 08:56:08 am

I am not going to argue over this. If you can't see that we are on the same side of the debate, there is nothing I can do to change that. I will continue on my path of trying to put a stop to circumcision, and you continue on yours. Good luck.

Heather

7/17/2012 01:47:55 am

I think it is an honest portrayal of the consequences of circumcision that few parents consider- that their baby boy will one day be an adult with a significant other who may desire a normal sex life with a fully functional partner. If it was a woman who had been mutilated as a child and unable to have a fulfilling sex life, then her husband would not have a right to feel sorry for what had been lost either? It is such a disturbing double standard. My husband is circumcised, but his Mom did apologize for it later after she learned what a harmful, unnecessary procedure it is, and no one has any bad feelings about it because she expressed her remorse. We should all be more open and honest and willing to discuss these "taboo" subjects.

7/26/2012 08:32:53 pm

Nicely put, Heather.
Men whose parents have told them how sorry, regretful they are about allowing them to be circumcised can have a better chance of dealing with the feelings of harm that comes with this violation. An apology tends to go a long, long way towards healing a very deep seated and personal wounding men can feel regarding genital mutilation.

7/26/2012 08:50:30 pm

Also I think you need both honey and vinegar to make a moral point depending on the person and the situation. Some people only respond to vinegar, sadly.
We have to remember that we all spend a relatively short time as children(if we're lucky) and that most of our lives we are sexually active adults(again, if we are lucky!) and that we will share our lives physically and emotionally with husbands, wives, partners. Making drastic interventions on childrens' bodies, like genital cutting, endangers that fulfillment and intimacy sometimes with tragic consequences. The author has every right to give her opinion as she does and is enormously helpful in understanding that circumcision not only affects the child on which it is inflicted but can have a detrimental affect on the quality of his/her personal relationships- most significantly his/her sexual partners. Their voices really need to be heard too.
The author

7/26/2012 08:54:16 pm

Sorry, my mistake: not 'the author', but myself. Comment editing error.

Laurie A. Couture link

8/4/2012 12:19:07 pm

:(... So sad. This is so tragic. Please be empathic and compassionate with him and his trauma... HE is the one who had his body violated and sexually traumatized. While you are suffering, too, it is primarily his trauma, his body, his sexuality and his penis that is hurting the most. Please be supportive and not frustrated with him.

8/5/2012 09:57:49 am

This is the Admin. I have seen several comments whenever this article is posted where people tell me to have more compassion for my husband or to not be so hard on him. I've seen nowhere in my article where I have made it out that I don't already show him this! In fact I've said other than the pain issues our sex life is amazing.
I love my husband dearly and would never make him feel worse about this situation especially since it was put upon him by his family.

As for mother in law we actually do get along I just struggle with being Ok with her decision for my husband and I think the pain of that came across quite strong in this article.
My father in law definitely failed to stand up for his son but I also know he struggles with feelings of self worth due to the way his wife treats him so I am positive that had effect on the whole decision (which should never have been a decision for them to make) this does not let him off the hook but if you knew them personally you would understand more why/how he could have allowed it to happen.

Both parents have apologized to him at this point though I am unsure if they have changed their stance on circumcision. Our son IS intact.
Restoration is going slow. I get frustrated with the fact he doesn't do it as much as he COULD but I will not push the issue, it's deeply personal for him and I am not the one to tell him what to do with his body.

Alfred Schram

8/25/2012 08:35:17 am

Do not be frustrated if your husband does not tug for as long periods as you feel would be more efficient. Restoration is a very, very slow process. However, I know of several men who are progressing quickly with less than an hour of tugging a day, and besides, taking a break on weekends. For many men, it is easier to include their restoration into their daily routine, so that they do not need a reminder, they do it without thinking, just like brushing teeth. As soon as there will be enough skin for a gliding action, it will feel so much better for both of you, that encouragement will not be necessary.

Michelle W.

9/9/2012 05:56:30 am

I read through your article just one time, but I didn't get any feelings of resentment from you towards your husband. I think people commenting are just trying to give you encouragement.

The only resentment I noticed was his towards his Mother. I thought this was unfair because she probably made this decision out of ignorance and not out of malice. If given the facts, would she really have intended this harm for her son? I don't know her, but I don't think she did. Even today the doctors tell parents circumcision is safer for their sons and prevents cervical cancer in their future wives.

What you said now about his Mother and Father apologizing, but not fully getting that the circumcision caused damage does confuse me. What part don't they get? Do they need to see it to understand? If I did something with good intentions but it turned out poorly, I would feel torn up by my bad decision. I would have a hard time forgiving myself until accepting that now that I know better, I will do better. What can his parents do at this point besides apologize? The good that comes from your husband's pain is sharing his story to inform the next generation of parents to keep their sons intact.

9/14/2012 03:33:14 pm

I'm sorry for your husband's pain, physical and emotional. I never knew this could happen, and its important that people know that circumcision has its risks. I guess the one good thing is your son is intact and hopefully in the next generation, circumcision will be a thing of the past.

9/9/2012 10:32:09 am

I can't express it enough through here but if you knew his Mom you would understand why there is such strong resentment there.

Even after apologizing and hearing what he is going through from his own mouth there are still comments made about the fact we speak out on the topic and that our son is intact. that is what I mean by her not getting it.

Bob Crystal

9/13/2012 03:28:40 pm

try using a condom while waiting for the restoration. The latex shields the tight skin from rubbing. Also, to relieve a little of the tension, use scar creme from RiteAid.

skittles

10/1/2012 03:15:23 pm

the first time i saw my x's cock i almost gasped out loud. there was a huge red angry scar down one side of his shaft and it looked so bad i wanted to ask what happened but i knew it was because he was cut.he cock also curved.
ive had one uncut partner and now i get bummed when i find out a guy i like is cut

AnonymousWife

10/11/2012 06:58:45 am

I really identify with the woman who wrote this story. My husband is also circumcised and the issue has recently come up since we found out that we're having a boy (first baby). We both kind of knew that we wouldn't circumcise our baby, after all why would we traumatize our son with a painful surgery that's medically unnecessary? But when we really started to research circumcision, we began to understand the profound effects it can have on a man, sexually, emotionally, spiritually.

We have sexual problems that we never really understood, but after learning about the sexual function of the foreskin and mechanics of sex, we both suspect that they are mostly related to the circumcision. Like the man in the article, my husband's penis is curved. Also, like many circ'd men, my husband suffers from premature ejaculation. Intercourse for us usually lasts, one, two minutes tops. After he orgasms, he experiences considerable pain and needs to withdraw immediately to stop the sensation--even the withdrawal itself hurts him--something that neither of us really understood before we started our research.

He's not the only one with problems. I have never been able to achieve orgasm with any of my partners, even before I was married. I just figured this is the way I am, and I'll just have to satisfy myself. It isn't as though orgasm is the end all be all--sex still feels good, even without it. But when I found out about the effects of circumcision, I went back in my head and remembered that all my partners happened to have been circ'd. After learning about the function of the foreskin and understanding what almost (but not quite) got me there, I now believe my inability to climax is partially due to the circumcision.

My husband understandably doesn't have much of an interest in sex. He says he's not really a very sexual person, and never has been. I think it's because he doesn't get very much enjoyment out of sex. When we do it, I am almost always the one to initiate it, and bless his heart, I think he does it more for my sake than his own. He confessed to me that it's easier for him to just masturbate to internet porn. That way he can stop the sensation immediately after orgasm and there's no pain.

I love my husband with all my heart and soul. We have a very strong bond. It breaks my heart that this was done to him. It hurts me to think of him as an infant suffering this horrible trauma and as an adult being denied the richness of sexual enjoyment that he might have experienced had he not been mutilated. Of course, I am sad that my enjoyment has been diminished as well. I feel lucky to have been born a girl in this country, as my gender seems to have protected me from genital cutting.

After we researched circumcision, my husband's anger at his parents grew. He already had a horrible relationship with his mother, who has been unkind and emotionally abusive throughout his life. His father is weak and henpecked and has never stood up for either him or his sister. Occasionally, his father has been abusive himself. They have treated him in ways that makes people's jaws drop when they hear the stories. He is incredibly angry at his parents for just going along with what everyone else was doing, instead of actually considering what they were choosing for their son at any level, even surface level.

Ironically, the surfacing of this circumcision issue has brought us closer together than ever and I love my husband even more, if possible. He's amazingly intelligent and extremely logical. But like most men, he has always been insecure about his sexual performance. We're very honest with each other. I have never faked an orgasm in my life, because it's just not in my nature to fake it, and he's always felt bad that I don't get off. But unlike a lot of circ'd men, he could never let his insecurity affect his decision for his son. I admire his emotional clarity so much, because I know how hard this is for most circ'd men. We are 100% in agreement no one is coming anywhere near our son's penis with a knife. I'm really happy that we're able to choose something better for our own son.

10/12/2012 03:12:41 am

There are innumerable numbers of loving couples in your situations. Unfortunately, circumcision is not a subject which can be calmly and logically discussed. And the psychological damage caused by circumcision needs to be widely known to help young parents resist pressure.
It is not ironic at all that the circumcision topic brings couples closer together: it allows, especially for men, to discuss without fear some of the hidden anxieties about sexual performance. Couples who can freely talk to each other about this subject, will also be more likely to amicably decide on differences in all other matters. It did in my case, and several restoring men or their wives have reported the same outcome.
Foreskin restoration does help in many more ways for both partners. One of the unexpected results is a strong boost to self-confidence, especially for sexual performance. But the man must be willing to commit several years to restoration, and he has to decide for himself. Nagging will have the opposing effect. This is why the dissemination of reports of the benefits of restoration for both partners is more important than talking about the damages, which only reinforces the man's feeling of inadequacy. It sometimes takes as long as a year, before a man finally decides to restore, and this is where the loving understanding of the partner will show the way to gentle, but effective persuasion. Other persons may offer suggestions, but only the one who knows the man intimately can choose the proper approach.

10/12/2012 03:13:08 am

10/12/2012 03:15:33 am

Sue

9/6/2013 12:00:27 am

My husband was cut when he was 22 in the navy because of infection he or I have no problems with it I think some people put to much thought into things they can't change about them self .

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