A mother shares her story of how she was previously pro-circumcision, and how her views have changed.

Written by Ashley L.
Posted With Permission from Author

“It’s a boy!”

There really was no surprise when the ultrasound tech said those three words. I already knew. Having had both a boy and a girl in the past, I could just feel it. My husband beamed with pride, as this would be his first biological son (my six-year old son Blake was from a past relationship,) and he couldn't be happier. I, too, was elated at the chance to raise another son, another lovely bundle of blue. Circumcision wasn't brought up at the time, probably because we both assumed since my husband and first born were circumcised, this one would be, too. As my due date drew near I began to get this feeling in my gut. I don't know how to explain it other than feeling nervous and edgy. I knew what it was about. I had the same feeling when it was time to set up the appointment to get Blake (my six-year old) circumcised.

The story of Blake hurts a little more to talk about, simply for the fact that I almost saved him as well. But due to pressure from many sources, I ended up caving and threw him under the bus at the last second, so to speak. I really didn't want to circumcise him. I knew it was unnecessary, but the appointment had been set, the money had been paid, and everything was ready to go. The night before he was to go in, my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight about it. I was scared and didn't want to send my one-month old son in for something he didn’t need. My boyfriend was mad because he had set up a ride for me and paid the doctor. We went to bed that night without speaking and still both very angry. The next day his brother didn’t show up to take me to the appointment. When I called my son’s father, he bluntly told me that he had told him not to come. He then hung up on me. With that said, the current me would have gone down to his work and kicked his butt for being a jerk and put him in his place. Unfortunately, the 18-year-old me hung up with tears in my eyes, and called my grandma to ask her for a ride to the doctor. My whole family is/was pro-circumcision so she happily came down. If I had of had just one person to call for support, things could have gone very different that day, but I had no one. I also didn’t use the internet at the time, so I had no facts or evidence to sway anyone’s opinions. I was just an 18-year-old girl with a bad feeling in her stomach.

My son’s circumcision went as “normal” as an unnecessary surgery could go. There were tears and blood, sleepless nights, horrible diaper changes, and crusty, multicolored genitals. Yes, this is what they considered “normal.” Everything healed and life went back to normal. At that time, I still thought the surgery was the worst part. I still thought they had cut off an “extra piece of skin” that had no function. My boyfriend brought me flowers and apologized for the way he had acted. At the time, I still didn’t realize that it was my son that we should both be apologizing to. I still thought circumcision was just a little “cut.” At that time I believe I chose to ignore the size of the wound. Just by looking at that, anyone with a brain could tell it was more than a little snip. But my son’s circumcision had been done without any type of numbing, so in order to accept that it was more than a small snip, I would have to accept that I had sent my one-month-old in for an incredibly painful procedure without the aid of any pain medication. Self-preservation comes in many forms, and from personal experience, I can tell you one of the most successful ones is denial. And it worked. For six years it worked beautifully. Until those three words were said again..... "It's a boy!"  

Back to 2011: So as I sat there with a belly full of worries, I began to wonder if perhaps I should look into what happens during a circumcision a little more closely. By this time, I had access to the internet at my fingertips, and believed I owed at least that much to my belly-dwelling son. I was a mere two weeks away from my due date at this time. I started by simply typing “circumcision” into the search box on Facebook, expecting to come across a few groups to discuss in. To my surprise, I only came across anti-circumcision groups (not such a big surprise now that I know the facts). I looked in a few, and started to absorb some information.

In this next part of the story, I’m going to be writing about how I felt from a pro-circumcision point of view. Please excuse any hard feelings I had towards any of you, or the “intactivist” point of view. As you know, my opinions have changed so much, so I do not feel this way anymore. As I scanned through the pages, I was almost mad. How dare these people try to take away my rights as a parent to circumcise?! Who are they to tell me or anyone what we can or cannot do to our children? One of the posts on The WHOLE Network referred people to the GabeandJess page, where a heated debate about circumcision was happening. I felt that this may be my time to shine! Boy was I in for a shock. I came and let everyone know that I was expecting a boy, but was unsure about circumcising. I came in with the typical pro-circumcision arguments such as “it's cleaner,” “but daddy has it done,” “I live in an area where it's quite common and don’t want him being made fun of,” and “it's a parents choice.” Right away I was hit with links and facts, videos and personal stories. So much information in such a small amount of time. The seed had been planted but apparently part of me still didn’t want to go down without a fight. I'm guessing it was the part that would have to go back and rethink on the issue of my firstborn, and would have to admit that I did wrong by him.

Over the next week or so I was in too many discussions to keep count, read far too much for my already sleep deprived mind to comprehend, and overloaded my phone with circumcision websites. I did so much research I'm pretty sure my eyes bled. I came across so much new information and FACTS that I had no clue about whatsoever. The primary cause for the change of heart was the videos. There’s something about seeing the actual surgery that leaves you feeling a little empty. If I had only seen that before I had my first son, he would have remained intact as well. May I also add, I truly don’t have a weak stomach. I’ve been to more than my fair share of “gore” websites, have come across some horrible things and still went back for more. But yet when I came across a video of a baby being circumcised, I could only watch a small part of it, and with no sound. The cries of the baby alone made me sick. Seeing is believing, and the videos and pictures truly do speak a thousand words. It was a life-changing moment when I finally realized that, no matter what, my son was not going under the knife.

I went from pro-circumcision, to “I’m not going to circumcise, but I don’t see any problem with it,” to actually getting offended when other parents talked about how they got it done to their son and it was “no big deal.” It was a quick process and now that I'm standing on the other side, I’m not sure how I was ever pro-circumcision in the first place. When I first entered the debates, I hated the saying “when you know better, you do better.” It was thrown around a lot, and it seemed condescending to me. Now from this view, all it is is the truth. When you know better, you WILL do better. It's not offensive, it's the honest to God truth.

For those of you wondering how I got my pro-circumcision husband to accept and agree, it was actually quite simple. Although I knew without a doubt that we would not be circumcising, I still let him think it was open for debate. He may have been pro-circumcision, but he was also pro-clean house, pro-steak dinners, pro-clean laundry, pro-sleeping through the night when he has to work the next day, and pro-happy wife. I simply let him know all the things that may or may not be lost if he tried to put up a fight about this. Then I hit him with some facts and statistics, some truthful information, some horrible pictures, and a horrible video. He came around without much of a fight at all. In the long run, he was glad he did. We didn’t have to worry about making that dreaded appointment, the after care, or the possible complications. I also found out, through being vocal about our decision, that my cousin did not circumcise her two boys either. Hearing that made everything all the more easier.

One last thing I'd like to share from this experience was the conversation between my husband and I, the one that sealed his decision 100%. It was hard to have to say it, but I believe it needed to be said, and it got the point across. It went a little something like this: “Let’s say that we don’t circumcise, and the worst case scenario happens: perhaps phimosis? So he has to go to the doctors for steroid cream. Maybe he will be mad that we didn’t do it when he was a baby. I know there is a tiny percent of men who wish they had been circumcised when they were children, so I will take the blame for that one. I will apologize and tell him we did our best, and that I'm sorry that he fell into the small percent of men who wish later on in life that they had been circumcised as babies. I alone will take the blame if he feels that we wronged him in some way. In return, will you take the blame if we circumcise and the worst case scenario happens? Will you apologize, and tell him we did the best we could for him? Will you look at him in his perfect little angelic face, as they lower the lid to his coffin, and tell him that you didn’t know better? That if you had of known the end result, you wouldn’t have done it? Well, let’s never find out.”

On November 3rd 2011, after only two hours of labor, our son finally came out to meet us! Our son’s birth went smoothly, and we took him home twenty-four hours after. All of him. Every last perfect, whole part. And we couldn't be happier. All because a few people from this page wouldn’t let me forget that, although I may be the parent, I am not the person who gets to decide which body parts he gets to keep. So the moral of that story is: Although we may pretend we don’t hear your points, we do. Keep planting those seeds, believe me, they grow into wonderful things.

by Tammy Schmit
(feel free to contact her with any questions)
Posted with Permission from Author

A good friend gave birth to her first son the day before my wedding.  It was so much fun to be a part of her pregnancy and then to watch her son grow.  I was only about 2 months pregnant when I found myself lending her a hand with a diaper change.  I noticed that her son didn’t look circumcised, so I asked her why she didn’t have that done.  She responded that while she was pregnant, a friend of hers had her son circumcised and the baby boy died of an infection that was thought to be related to the circumcision.  That was enough for her and she left her son intact. 

Well, it wasn’t enough for me because I had always just assumed I’d have a baby boy circumcised and I figured it wasn’t just as simple as blaming the death on the circumcision.  That same day, I went online to my favorite baby resource (BabyCenter.com).  I found myself on a circumcision debate board, where I lurked for several days before building up the gall to post something.  The debates were heavily dominated by anti-circumcision advocates.  It seemed that every person who planned to have their son circumcised (or already did) was getting attacked, called a bad parent and other horrible things.  Although I was taken aback by this cult-like online congregation, I was also intrigued because I had no clue there was such controversy over circumcisions.  I just thought pretty much everyone did it because it was more hygienic and looked better. 

After reading up on some of the “benefits” of circumcision, I decided to pose as a curious poster who was on the fence about circumcision.  I spent many hours over the next couple of weeks debating circumcision from the perspective of someone leaning toward having it done and constantly losing my arguments to factual data and ethical boundaries.  I was shocked by how difficult it was to find medical websites that supported circumcision.  The facts were all there, it was clearly not a necessary procedure, the health benefits were practically non-existent (medical resources only claimed "possible" benefits), but I couldn’t help but feel like I should still have it done.  I soon realized that my pro-circ stance was only still hanging around due to cultural pressures.  I put my guard down, stepped out of my comfort zone, and focused on making a logical decision. 

Leading up to the birth of our son, Jeremy and I were both in complete agreement that he would not be circumcised.  I continued to have this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me that maybe I was making the wrong decision.  I knew that was my own cultural uncertainty ringing its bell and I knew now to ignore it because the facts were clear and the decision was clear.  It did NOT feel like maternal instinct urging me to take action.  Every instinct in my body told me that he was born with it for a reason and to simply leave it alone.  When Nathan was born, all hell broke loose…it was just such a difficult birth experience.  After 33 hours of unmedicated labor, Nathan was cut out of me in emergency fashion and rushed to a different hospital where he spent the next 5 days in the NICU.  Inflicting further stress on my son’s body was the furthest thing from my mind.  When I finally saw his naked little body (days after he was born), it was so perfect…every last piece of my son was beautiful.  I have NEVER doubted my decision to leave his penis intact and I know I never will.  I’m so glad that I took the time to learn about circumcision because I cannot imagine learning all of this after the fact. 

Here is a list of common reasons, in no particular order, that people present to support the decision to have their son circumcised followed by the responses I feel made the biggest impact on me.  Please realize that I am not including both sides of the debate here, just what helped change my mind.

1) I want my son to look like his daddy. 

Today, doctors perform “loose circumcisions.”  This is done because in the past, "tight circumcisions" were the norm and oftentimes too much skin was removed.  As an adult, many men suffer from tight erections that can be crooked and painful.  As a result of removing less skin, some babies don’t really look circumcised, and few will look like Daddy.  [Note: in the Jewish tradition, a Mohel performs the circumcision; traditional, tight circumcisions are apparently still the norm despite the increased risks.]   A problem that commonly arises with loose circumcisions is that unless Vaseline is applied for 10 days after circumcision, the skin tends to re-adhere in an attempt to heal back to and protect the glans (head of the penis).  The parents have to decide whether to leave it alone to separate when it is ready or to have it forcefully and painfully separated a second time.  Sometimes a second surgery isn’t even optional since the skin can grow back in an unnatural way that can cause problems (such as a skin bridge).  The reason I mention all of this is because many parents end up feeling like they shouldn’t have put their son through such a terrible procedure just to be slightly circumcised, especially if the loose circumcision subjects them to ongoing problems or lifelong deformations.  This “look like daddy” reason hits me funny because after Nathan was born, we found out that Jeremy’s dad wasn’t circumcised, either.  Jeremy never knew!  All in all, I decided that I’d rather have to one day explain to Nathan why his penis doesn’t look just like Daddy’s then have him come to me and ask why we cut part of his penis off. 

2) I don’t want my son to be teased. 

The circumcision rate has dropped drastically in the U.S.  It is practically non-existent apart from religious-reasons in the rest of the world.  Over 80% of the world’s men are intact.  Approximately 45% of America’s baby boys were left intact as of 2004 (this tends to be regional).  As of 2010, hospital circumcision rates in the U.S. have been found to be as low as 32%, so the numbers are definitely dropping quickly and I'm confident Nathan will never feel like he is the odd man out.  A big part of that is awareness, but I think a bigger part might have to do with fewer insurance companies covering this elective surgery.  I actually have to wonder if the circumcised boys will soon be the ones being chastised because they are missing out on the benefits of a full penis.  When he becomes sexually active, girls will probably have experience with both as well.  So rejection is unlikely for either group since there will be a true mix.  Even if we end up living somewhere with high circumcision rates, Nathan will unlikely be the only intact boy.  If he ever did get teased for the way his penis looks, there are all kinds of great comebacks I’m prepared to arm him with.  I want him to be happy and proud of who he is.  I’m not going to alter his body in anticipation of kids being kids.  All kids get made fun of at some point.  I’m going to focus on teaching him how to be a strong and happy individual regardless of what other people think, whether they are making fun of his hair-do, the way he walks, a goofy laugh, or his body.   I see little to no chance that my son will be anything but happy and relieved that he escaped this cultural trend.  The following link shows a world map with circumcision rates: http://www.circumstitions.com/Maps.html

3) My doctor recommends it. 

The cultural influence is so strong in this country, that even doctors will recommend circumcision, despite admitting that it is not medically necessary.  It turns out that there is no official medical organization in the world that recommends routine infant circumcision.  The potential medical benefits do not outweigh the risks and circumcision is recognized worldwide as either a religious or cosmetic surgery.  Not only do many American doctors recommend circumcision, but many American pediatricians give out bad information on the care of intact boys.  Clearly they are not up-to-date on their medical literature!  Many pediatricians will not only forcefully retract a boy’s foreskin just to take a look underneath, but they recommend that parents do the same to clean and check for problems.  This is by far the number one problem for intact boys because the foreskin should NEVER be forcefully retracted.  It will do so on its own when it is ready.  By retracting it early, you can cause great pain to your son and subject his penis to scarring, UTIs and other painful infections.  You are also committing yourself and your son to having to retract to clean sooner than necessary. 

Here is a document that can be presented to pediatricians who are not aware of the problems with forceful retractions:

http://doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/info/retraction.html

And here is a link from the same website talking about forceful retraction:

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/info/info-forcedretraction.html

Unfortunately, doctors are also generally bad about telling parents of circumcised boys how to best care for the penis and lots of circumcised boys are suffering from re-adhesions that could have been prevented. 

It really bothers me to consider this, but circumcision is a multi-million dollar industry.  Some hospitals charge as much as $2,000 for this brief surgery.  Insurance companies are gradually refusing to cover this procedure as it is more widely accepted as cosmetic.  Either way, there is a lot of money to be made off of this quick procedure, so I could not discount the idea that doctors might have an ulterior motive. 

After my father was unable to put aside his cultural influences to focus on the actual medical information regarding circumcisions and after watching a 70-year old pediatrician scare a roomful of expecting parents into getting their kids circumcised as quickly as possible so their kids don’t get made fun of, I realized just how powerful the cultural influence is.  I want my doctor to give me up-to-date medical facts, not their biased opinions (unless I ask for them).  I need a safe place to find out the truth about circumcision and I should be able to trust any licensed physician to provide me with that information. 

4) It’s just a snip. 

Circumcisions are a delicate and dangerous procedure on a tiny, little nub of a penis.  Not only is very functional and sensitive tissue being removed, but there is always the risk of taking too much off, excessive bleeding, nerve damage to the remaining parts, and infection.  Some doctors are even still using the Mogen clamp, which has been known to accidentally remove the tip of the penis along with the foreskin.  Complication rates of circumcision are up to 35% as stated by the AAFP.  http://www.aafp.org/online/en/home/clinical/clinicalrecs/children/circumcision.html Late complication rates are at least 4.7% or more according to this study (done at one hospital): www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20155423  Adult complication rates are generally unknown as there are not many studies done, (but include hairy shaft, scars, painful erections, and more). The complication rate of meatal stenosis though is as much as 10%. http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/1016016-overview

At least parents don’t have to worry about the side affects of general anesthesia on their infant; none will be used because general anesthesia is too dangerous on a newborn.  While there are doctors who choose to use no pain relief at all, most use a topical cream called EMLA and others will use nerve blocks (nerve blocks can also be very painful and have their own set of risks, but are considered the most effective form of pain management).  Unfortunately, most doctors who do use the EMLA cream do not give the topical analgesic time to penetrate (recommended to wait at least 30 minutes after application).  Many babies actually go into shock because they aren’t able to cope with the pain.  This explains why some babies seem so calm after the procedure.  Their little bodies just shut down.  Simple monitoring of their heart rate reveals the state of shock—this scares the hell out of me. 

I also recently read that burn unit wards use foreskins for skin grafts…the skin removed during a circumcision of an infant can cover a 12”x12” area on a burn victim!  At least that skin is occasionally being used for something good.  Foreskins are also used in making certain kinds of very pricey make-up, including those promoted by Oprah Winfrey.  *Shiver*

5) The foreskin is an unnecessary part of the penis, just like the appendix. 

The foreskin is far from unnecessary or useless.  It not only protects the glans (preventing it from drying out and becoming less sensitive, preventing infection, and protecting it from the elements) and serves as a pleasurable gliding mechanism during sex and masturbation, but it is covered in sensitive nerve endings that increase pleasure.  Unfortunately, many circumcisions don’t just remove foreskin, but they also remove part or all of the frenulum (this is the area of the penis where the foreskin attaches itself to the shaft. It is considered to be one of the most sensitive parts of the penis).  Though it is not necessary to enjoy sex, the foreskin is a natural and functional part of the penis that has over 20,000 specialized nerve endings that are not found anywhere else on the body.  Fortunately, every man seems to be born with a unique love for Mr. Happy, so even if he is missing out on some added fun, they’ll still be best of friends. http://www.circumstitions.com/Works.html

6) Uncircumcised boys aren't as clean. 

Neither are uncircumcised girls.  All boys and girls need to learn how to keep their privates clean.  Intact boys should plan on spending an additional 5 seconds “playing” with their penis in the shower; however since the normal natural retraction rate doesn't occur for an average of 10 years, this isn't something the parents will need to be concerned about for most kids.  I recommend that all men and women take a shower daily and especially after breaking a sweat if they don’t want to be stinky down there.  I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t go sniffing around my hubby’s crotch at the end of the day and especially not after he’s been working out.  Of course, if I’m being honest, I usually don’t smell all that much better than him…erm…I mean…I smell like roses. :o)

I found this quote from an Islamic website interesting because it sounds just like the argument I used to use in support of circumcision: "The secretions of the labia minora accumulate in uncircumcised women and turn rancid, so they develop an unpleasant odour which may lead to infections of the vagina or urethra. I have seen many cases of sickness caused by the lack of circumcision. "

 http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/45528

7) I’ve heard that uncircumcised boys are at higher risk for cancer, STDs, and urinary tract infections. 

There is a lot of misleading information regarding health benefits.  While some studies show that intact men are at higher risk of contracting STDs because the virus survives longer in the moist, protected environment under the foreskin, other studies show that the dried out (or “keratinized”) glans has a tendency to crack and allow for easier transmission.  All men should be advised to practice safe sex regardless of circumcision status. 

The small increase of UTIs can be explained by the number of babies who have their foreskin forcefully retracted.  Those boys who do get UTIs should be given antibiotics just like their female counterparts.  Overall, the potential “protective” quality of being circumcised is so small that hundreds of baby boys would need to be circumcised to spare just one baby an infection that can be treated with antibiotics.  Similar infections and problems tend to occur in girls and there is always an alternative to surgery.  Here is an article that discusses how the foreskin protects against UTIs: http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/how-foreskin-protects-against-uti.html

As for cancer, penile cancer is by far one of the rarest forms of cancer and usually only occurs in the elderly.  I certainly wasn’t about to subject Nathan to a life without part of his penis for that risk.  If he wants to lower his cancer risk when he’s an old man and not able to even get an erection anymore, I suppose he could choose to have the surgery.  Of course, I’m at such high risk for cancer that I’m being told to have a full hysterectomy and mastectomy to improve my chances of survival.  These contradictory studies can be debated all day, but in the end, there is STILL no official medical organization in the world that recommends routine infant circumcision, including the American Cancer Society.  Here is a recent article that discusses some of these concerns: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/23/health/23consumer.html?_r=1

8) It’s a personal choice. 

Personal choice SHOULD mean that the person attached to the penis should get to choose.  Every man should have the right to decide whether or not he wants the full penis that he is born with.  His mother and father’s biased opinion of his penis should not be the deciding factor before he is even old enough to hold his own head up.  If later in life Nathan decides that he wants to have a circumcision, he can go to the doctor, choose the style, size, and shape, method of surgery, types of anesthetic, and type of post-op pain relief.  If he had been circumcised, he could never undo our decision.  Nathan's father reached the conclusion early on in these discussions that he was wronged.  He now wishes that he was not circumcised and while he is not comfortable speaking out against circumcision the way I am, he fully understands that it is unnecessary, that there are clear benefits to having an intact penis, and that parents should not be allowed to make this decision for their sons unless there is a medical reason to intervene.  And really, that's why most anti-circumcision advocates speak out...this isn't just about making a decision for your son, it's about taking away his rights to decide what he prefers based on HIS personal experiences, not ours as parents, which are greatly affected by the culture we grew up in, a culture that has already changed drastically.  It never even occurred to me before beginning this research that there are men who wish they were never circumcised and I was shocked when someone had me run a search for "foreskin restoration" online.  There are a large number of websites discussing ways to get some of those protective and functional features that the foreskin provides back, proving (along with forums filled with men upset about having this decision taken from them) that there are an incredible number of men unhappy they were circumcised.  So, while you may believe you've never met a man who wishes he wasn't circumcised, there's a decent chance you have and he just has no interest in discussing it with you.  While the true foreskin with all of its nerves and inner mucosa can never be replaced, there are ways to regenerate skin to protect the glans.  The Penn & Teller episode on circumcision delves into this in quite a bit of detail:

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=416_1218124584

9) It is better to have it done at birth because it is much more difficult to have a circumcision later in life. 

To the contrary, the older your son is when he is circumcised, the better the pain relief and recovery can be controlled and the less likely that errors will be made since the penis will be larger.  Infections aren’t likely to be as much of a problem later because the foreskin will have already separated from the glans naturally (the glans won’t be raw and vulnerable to infection) and his immune system will be more developed.  Some people say it’s better to have the circumcision done in infancy because when they are older, they will have to undergo general anesthesia, thus it is a more complicated procedure due to prep time and the inherent dangers that come with anesthesia.  I find this a very disturbing rationale since the reason infants don’t get general anesthesia is because it is too dangerous at that age, not because they feel less pain. 

I’ve also heard people use the reasoning that recovery time is longer and more painful for an adult.  Recovery is about 2-3 weeks for both infants and adults.  During that time, an adult has far more options in terms of pain relief (and the ability to verbalize the extent of that pain) and their wound isn’t being exposed to runny feces and urine in a diaper.  An adult will probably experience the additional frustration of not being able to be sexually active until fully recovered. 

While there are attempts to restore the foreskin, circumcision cannot be undone.  It is a permanent decision.  I’ve come to the conclusion that any permanent, non-medical surgery should be delayed until the child is old enough to make his own, educated decision.

10) I want to have it done now because my son won’t remember the pain. 

There have been plenty of studies showing that there is lasting psychological damage that can occur from the trauma an infant undergoes during circumcision.  This damage includes trust and attachment issues, problems establishing breastfeeding, as well as reduced pain tolerance over the long-term.  Although I personally found these things too subjective to sway me one way or the other, given the rest of the arguments, it’s just not worth the risk.  Another thing that bothers me about this issue is that I can’t help but think that we are simply convincing ourselves that the pain an infant feels is not real or just somehow taking advantage of this pre-bonding period to let our child deal with the pain.  A two-year old won’t remember being circumcised either, but can you imagine not providing adequate pain relief during circumcision to your 2-year old?  I personally do not see how we can compare an adult’s level of pain with an infant’s pain when the infant cannot communicate with us what he is experiencing. 

This argument also typically assumes that an intact child will need to be circumcised later in life.  There are all kinds of anecdotal stories of an older child needing to be circumcised due to infections or other problems, but in reality, the true medical need to be circumcised is very rare.  Almost every case of infections or other problems is caused by forceful retraction...avoid that and chances are you will never have to worry about needing to circumcise your son.  Most boys in the U.S. (and some in other countries I am sure) were forcefully retracted at some point and many still are due to the doctors being misinformed on proper care, so those anecdotal stories no longer have such an effect on me.  Plus, it has become obvious that many American doctors will rush to circumcision as a solution to any problem related to the penis when there is almost always a far less invasive approach available.  Recently, it has been discovered that even with the continued practice of forceful retraction, a circumcised boy has about the same risk of needing to be re-circumcised due to a botched circumcision or adhesions as an intact boy has of ever needing to be circumcised.

11)  My son will thank me for circumcising him before he could remember. 

Yes, this is possible.  But, it's also possible he will resent you for it and as the circumcision rates continue to drop drastically, this is becoming far more likely.  At the very least, this is a very controversial and irreversible decision you are making for your son and if you were wrong about what he and his future partner would prefer, leaving it intact leaves him options.  It's so easy now for someone to go online and do the research themselves.  When my son goes online and sees that this was such a huge debate, realizes the myths about it, and understands the functions of his foreskin, I have no doubt he'll be glad he dodged that bullet. 

FGM A big piece of the circumcision debate is whether or not it can be compared to female genital mutilation (FGM).  I have to admit that at first, I really couldn’t compare the two.  It came across as a really extremist view and I was looking for all kinds of arguments to convince myself that circumcision and FGM have nothing in common.  I was offended that someone might suggest that by planning on circumcision, I was just as barbaric as people who mutilated female genitals.  The moment I stopped looking for ways to disrupt the comparison, I was able to see the big picture.  Keeping in mind that there are various degrees of FGM, whether it is done for appearance, cleanliness, or to reduce sexual sensation, there really are remarkable similarities to male circumcision.   This link shows a direct comparison: http://www.circumstitions.com/FGMvsMGM.html

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I realize that this letter is quite one-sided, but it is my story and the facts have been verified.  I'm not out to mislead anyone, I'm determined to make up for what our doctors are failing to provide us so that we as parents can make an educated medical decision with regards to surgery on a newborn.  I was completely ignorant on this topic when I became pregnant with my first baby.  I know how hard it is to step outside of the comfort zone of our culture and I am not angry with parents who choose to circumcise.  Not only are doctors withholding details on the risks involved, but some doctors are even scaring us with potential medical risks that have long since been disproved.  I am including a list of links below so that you can verify the facts that I have provided and continue educating yourself on circumcision.

The following are links to official medical associations and their statements on circumcision:

American Academy of Family Physicians (AAFP): http://www.aafp.org/online/en/home/clinical/clinicalrecs/children/circumcision.html

American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP): http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;103/3/686

American Urological Association: http://www.auanet.org/content/guidelines-and-quality-care/policy-statements/c/circumcision.cfm

British Medical Association, Medical Ethics Committee: http://www.bma.org.uk/ethics/consent_and_capacity/malecircumcision2006.jsp

Canadian Pediatric Society: http://www.cps.ca/english/statements/FN/fn96-01.htm

Royal Australasian College of Physicians: http://www.racp.edu.au/index.cfm?objectid=65118B16-F145-8B74-236C86100E4E3E8E

Central Union for Child Welfare in Finland: http://www.childcentre.info/10595/  

The College of Physicians and Surgeons of British Columbia: https://www.cpsbc.ca/files/u6/Circumcision-Infant-Male.pdf

The Royal Dutch Medical Association (KNMG): http://knmg.artsennet.nl/Diensten/knmgpublicaties/KNMGpublicatie/Nontherapeutic-circumcision-of-male-minors-2010.htm


More links:

http://www.thewholenetwork.org/

http://www.askmen.com/sports/health/15_mens_health.html

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/pregnancy-childbirth/tenth-month-post-partum/deciding-whether-or-not-circumcise-your-baby-boy

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/002998.htm (MedlinePlus)

http://www.mothersagainstcirc.org/ (this is an anti-circumcision site)

http://www.circumstitions.com/ (this is an anti-circumcision site)

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?s=5bf433f99b737d53a492f9189737dacb&t=112410 (Stories from mothers who regret having their son circumcised)

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/ (this is an anti-circumcision site)

http://mensightmagazine.com/Articles/Northrup/lovecirc.htm  

http://norm.org/ (Site for men trying to restore their foreskin)

http://www.lcshj.org/circum.html  (Statement on Jewish Male Infant Circumcision and Brit Milah)

http://www.jewsagainstcircumcision.org/

http://www.drmomma.org/2011/08/intact-or-circumcised-significant.html   (This site contains graphic images of the head of the penis in an attempt to explain some of the benefits of the foreskin.  The focus is on how the glans must adapt to being an external organ without the protective prepuce.)

https://members.kaiserpermanente.org/kpweb/healthency.do?hwid=aa41834  (Kaiser Permanente's stance on circumcision)

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=416_1218124584  (Penn & Teller: Circumcision is BULLSH*T: for those of you who like to laugh through the pain)     

A mother shares about the pressure she received from her spouse, and how her son's botched circumcision caused her to regret going against her instincts. 
Posted with Permission from Author

When I found out my second child was a boy, I started immediately thinking of the differences I would find in parenting and care-taking between him and my first born daughter. As I sat at lunch one day with my sister and mother, my sister asked me if I planned on circumcision. We sat there talking and she informed me if she could go back, she wouldn’t do it to my nephew. My mother agreed, stating that if she had had the choice all those years ago, she doesn’t think she would have done it to my three brothers. I was unsure, however; I don’t have a penis, never had to care for one, never knew anything different than circumcision. But I was young. The world was changing. So I did what any reasonable young mother would do. I researched.

I googled everything I could think of, day and night. I watched videos, read articles, looked up scientific facts on pros and cons. I blogged and tweeted my concerns, asking for help making this decision from friends, family, and even strangers. In my heart I knew it was wrong, I couldn’t find any reason to justify it, but I also struggled finding a reason to justify not doing it to my husband. He was convinced it had to be done, that it was cleaner, that it was easier to care for, that it was the natural thing to do. My son would look different than his peers, he would look different than his father, and women wouldn’t be attracted to it. I tried to show him the research, I tried to discuss it, I tried to show him the videos, but to no avail. I couldn’t convince him and I was tired of fighting. Finally, someone gave me this advice, “If you’re still unsure and it’s that important to your husband, just let him decide, even if you don’t agree on it.” So I did. I relented and said, “Fine, dear, have it your way.”

The days and weeks leading up to the birth of our son, I still tried, without luck, to make my husband reconsider. Not even reconsider really, but to just consider another option. He wouldn't watch the videos and stated plainly that I had no idea what owning and cleaning a penis entailed; it would be much more difficult if he was left intact. Did I really want that?

My son was born early on a July morning, and by the afternoon the nurse came around to ask if we were choosing circumcision. I was alone in the hospital room at this point and nearly told her no, to leave him alone, but instead I choked out a yes and was told that he would be picked up tomorrow morning for his “procedure.”

The next day, I sat; silently praying they wouldn’t show up, that they would forget about us, about him, about his penis. They allowed me to finish nursing while they described the way it would happen, what they would do to soothe him and had me sign the forms with a shaky signature. They promised it wouldn’t be more than an hour- two tops. He would come back, right as rain.

I sobbed as they wheeled his little bed away from me.

Five hours later, I awoke from a nap to my husband standing in the room, questioning where he was. I didn’t know, they took him away this morning and I hadn’t seen him since. He walked to the nursery to question the nurses where they explained that he had bled “just a little more” than they were comfortable with, so they kept him a little longer just to make sure.

“You’re lucky!” The nurse laughed at my husband. “Most babies are way too small and the doctors have a lot of trouble getting the whole thing off. You have a big boy!”

For days, my son slept. Not the sweet, peaceful sleep of a newborn, but a fitful, obviously painful sleep. When he awoke, he screamed in pain, unable to be soothed, unwilling to nurse or cuddled closely. He screamed when he urinated or defecated; he was only happy when his diaper was off, but so long as his penis went untouched. I lived in fear of diaper changes. I wanted nothing more than to just leave him be; no diaper, no pulling his penis to ensure the foreskin wouldn’t grow back, no Vaseline on the base. Just freedom from pain is all I wanted for him. We both sobbed during those moments, his diapers always speckled with blood and his face always tear stained.

The healing process never seemed to end. As he got older, the bleeding stopped, but the wound never healed. At first, his pediatrician told us to continue to just put the Vaseline on it, continuing to treat it like we always had. It wasn’t until six months of questioning did she inspect a little better and found that, while the doctors considered him a “big” boy and claimed to have no trouble with his circumcision, they actually snipped too much off. Now, he will have a permanent scar about a half of an inch long at the tip of his penis. When it will become a scar, I have no idea (as of right now, it’s still an open wound, 14 months later.) We’re still required to keep Vaseline on it several times a week. We find blood occasionally on diapers and hear him screaming at the first sign of a dirty diaper. He runs away after his diaper comes off and holds himself sobbing. During those nights when his cut reopens, he and I both lay awake at night crying, wishing for an end.

We should have allowed him that choice, we should have waited. If we had, he wouldn’t be in pain several times a month... he would be whole with no pain, as he should be. I don’t know if this has changed my husband’s view on circumcision, and I don’t blame him for this. I blame myself for saying yes; I blame myself for signing those forms; I blame myself completely, and I will fight for tomorrow’s sons- whether they are my own, my nephews, or a stranger's. No boy should have to go through this pain, not for his parents peace of mind.