Have you decided not to circumcise your son and need some help trying to talk to your husband? We realize this can be a very touchy subject with fathers-to-be, and often takes a well-planned approach. Here we hope to provide you with some tools so you are better prepared for a discussion with your husband or boyfriend about not circumcising.
Videos to Have Your Husband Watch:
Penn & Teller: Circumcision is BULLSH*T
Thirty minute video. Adult language and brief nudity warning.
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=416_1218124584
Joe Rogan (from Fear Factor) Discusses Circumcision
Warning: Explicit Language & Adult Content
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ib224baWjI&feature=youtu.be
"Snip Snip" Documentary
Filmmaker Nick Zayas dares to ask a question that has plagued man for centuries: What is the deal with circumcision? *Warning: Adult Content*
http://youtu.be/2KPmGS3sRok
Helpful Articles:
When Your Husband Wants to Circumcise by Lilli Cannon
One woman shares lessons learned in educating her husband (video included).
http://www.moralogous.com/2012/04/08/when-your-husband-wants-to-circumcise/
The Vulnerability of Men by Vincent Bach
Dissects the psychology of why men fight so hard to circumcise their sons.
http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/vincent/vulnerability_of_men.html
What to do When You and Your Partner Don't Agree
How one woman got through to her husband.
http://community.babycenter.com/post/a27672885/what_to_do_when_you_and_your_partner_dont_agree
Male Perspectives & Testimonies:
The Male Perspective
A collection of comments from men discussing their views about circumcision.
http://community.babycenter.com/post/a26844577/the_male_perspective
Uncommon Sense from a Common Dad
A circumcised American father talks about his feelings concerning circumcision, and having one circumcised son and two intact sons (video included).
http://www.thewholenetwork.org/14/post/2011/12/uncommon-sense-from-a-common-dad.html
Real-Life Testimonies
TWN members respond to how they talked to their husbands or dealt with pressure from their spouse about circumcising.
From 2011:
https://www.facebook.com/WholeNetwork/posts/185633734814581
From 2012:
https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?id=121502171227738&story_fbid=409824769062142
Penn & Teller: Circumcision is BULLSH*T
Thirty minute video. Adult language and brief nudity warning.
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=416_1218124584
Joe Rogan (from Fear Factor) Discusses Circumcision
Warning: Explicit Language & Adult Content
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ib224baWjI&feature=youtu.be
"Snip Snip" Documentary
Filmmaker Nick Zayas dares to ask a question that has plagued man for centuries: What is the deal with circumcision? *Warning: Adult Content*
http://youtu.be/2KPmGS3sRok
Helpful Articles:
When Your Husband Wants to Circumcise by Lilli Cannon
One woman shares lessons learned in educating her husband (video included).
http://www.moralogous.com/2012/04/08/when-your-husband-wants-to-circumcise/
The Vulnerability of Men by Vincent Bach
Dissects the psychology of why men fight so hard to circumcise their sons.
http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/vincent/vulnerability_of_men.html
What to do When You and Your Partner Don't Agree
How one woman got through to her husband.
http://community.babycenter.com/post/a27672885/what_to_do_when_you_and_your_partner_dont_agree
Male Perspectives & Testimonies:
The Male Perspective
A collection of comments from men discussing their views about circumcision.
http://community.babycenter.com/post/a26844577/the_male_perspective
Uncommon Sense from a Common Dad
A circumcised American father talks about his feelings concerning circumcision, and having one circumcised son and two intact sons (video included).
http://www.thewholenetwork.org/14/post/2011/12/uncommon-sense-from-a-common-dad.html
Real-Life Testimonies
TWN members respond to how they talked to their husbands or dealt with pressure from their spouse about circumcising.
From 2011:
https://www.facebook.com/WholeNetwork/posts/185633734814581
From 2012:
https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?id=121502171227738&story_fbid=409824769062142
A Letter To My Husband
by Andrea Brenner
(Posted with author's permission)
After our daughter was born, I started actually looking at information on circumcising. Thank god she was a girl. My husband wouldn't listen to a thing I said. Within seconds of me bringing up the subject, he was getting upset and changing the subject. It really bothered me that we had such a great relationship, and could talk about anything else effortlessly, but not this one thing. So I wrote him a letter and emailed him a few links. This letter I wrote my husband changed our lives.. Possibly saved our marriage!
To My Love:
You are my husband and my life. I'm at my happiest when I'm with you and I wouldn't want it any other way.
I love that we get along so well, and we can agree on so many things. It is one of those things that glues our marriage together. What makes our relationship so amazing is how we thrive and love each other, and give it our all. There's very little we disagree on when you really think about it, and it generally doesn't bother me too much, because I'm all about the compromise. But there's one subject we disagree on that really bothers me. It's one thing that I actually think about more often than you would think, and it seems to be a subject that's brought up, but rarely talked about and resolved.
I've brought up the subject a number of times, but in one way or another, you seem to change or drop the subject. I know it may not be something you want to talk or think about, but if we don't deal with it now, it will only become a bigger, more serious potential argument down the road. And I really don't want any rifts in our amazing marriage.
If you've been trying to figure out for the last minute or two what I've been rambling about, this is the part where I break the ice: circumcision. I know this is something that we agreed on at one point. I used to think nothing of it. It was "normal." A routine thing. Uncircumcised, or intact penises, look "weird," and circumcised penises look normal.
But the more things I've read: stories, research, various articles, personal experiences... my views have changed. I would like to share some information with you if you're willing to read it. And I hope you are. I know this is one thing you feel strongly about, but i feel strongly about it as well. This is somebody's penis. I feel it should be that person's choice what happens to it. Babies feel that pain. It's so sad and hard to think about for me. I don't want to get too passionate about it with this letter, because that's not what this is about. This is about getting the ball rolling for a discussion, and hopefully we can come to an agreement.
There is absolutely no benefit to circumcision. It's listed as a cosmetic surgery and isn't covered by most insurances nowadays. The foreskin is a natural part of the body, and contains 80% of the nerve endings that create sexual pleasure. As much as I hate the idea of our children ever having sex, I don't want to be responsible for making it less enjoyable than it has to be.
As much as I would love to say, "This is how it's going to be, deal with it," I can't. We are married and we are partners, for better or worse. Which means we have to talk and express ourselves, and try to understand each other. I can't force you into anything, or force you to think in a way I want you to. (I've already tried with keeping the kitchen clean, haha wink wink).. The only think I can do is share the information with you that has swayed my opinion, and hope it moves you as well. But PLEASE consider it. Even if you're dead set, don't just read it and scoff the whole time. Put real, true consideration and thought into it. This is one thing that can't be undone. We can't change our mind, and it's a big deal. At least he has the option to do it later if he wants. It will be less of a risk at adulthood, and significantly less painful. If we get it done when he's a baby, he can't decide he wants it undone later on.
I want to make it perfectly clear: you have a perfectly amazing penis that I couldn't be more satisfied with. There is no way i think it's "abnormal" or "different". Growing up, I was taught that circumcised = normal. My views on this aren't meant to make you feel inadequate or that there's something wrong with you, because you are perfect. You are a top notch example that circumcising won't always ruin a person, or their genitals. Just keep in mind there are thousands of boys, and men, and boy angels out there who weren't so lucky. Who have suffered. And I can't bear to put a child through that.
I'm actually a little scared. I know I talk about wanting to have another baby all the time, and how much I've been craving pregnancy and a second child, but this is one thing that scares me. When the time comes, and we're blessed with a beautiful little boy, I don't want this argument to tear us apart because of how strongly we both feel. So please talk to me. For more than five minutes. And be willing to listen, and ask questions, and discuss this topic a little more.
i love you dearest. I'm so thankful for you and our beautiful daughter, and our future children.
Love,
Your Loving Wife
by Andrea Brenner
(Posted with author's permission)
After our daughter was born, I started actually looking at information on circumcising. Thank god she was a girl. My husband wouldn't listen to a thing I said. Within seconds of me bringing up the subject, he was getting upset and changing the subject. It really bothered me that we had such a great relationship, and could talk about anything else effortlessly, but not this one thing. So I wrote him a letter and emailed him a few links. This letter I wrote my husband changed our lives.. Possibly saved our marriage!
To My Love:
You are my husband and my life. I'm at my happiest when I'm with you and I wouldn't want it any other way.
I love that we get along so well, and we can agree on so many things. It is one of those things that glues our marriage together. What makes our relationship so amazing is how we thrive and love each other, and give it our all. There's very little we disagree on when you really think about it, and it generally doesn't bother me too much, because I'm all about the compromise. But there's one subject we disagree on that really bothers me. It's one thing that I actually think about more often than you would think, and it seems to be a subject that's brought up, but rarely talked about and resolved.
I've brought up the subject a number of times, but in one way or another, you seem to change or drop the subject. I know it may not be something you want to talk or think about, but if we don't deal with it now, it will only become a bigger, more serious potential argument down the road. And I really don't want any rifts in our amazing marriage.
If you've been trying to figure out for the last minute or two what I've been rambling about, this is the part where I break the ice: circumcision. I know this is something that we agreed on at one point. I used to think nothing of it. It was "normal." A routine thing. Uncircumcised, or intact penises, look "weird," and circumcised penises look normal.
But the more things I've read: stories, research, various articles, personal experiences... my views have changed. I would like to share some information with you if you're willing to read it. And I hope you are. I know this is one thing you feel strongly about, but i feel strongly about it as well. This is somebody's penis. I feel it should be that person's choice what happens to it. Babies feel that pain. It's so sad and hard to think about for me. I don't want to get too passionate about it with this letter, because that's not what this is about. This is about getting the ball rolling for a discussion, and hopefully we can come to an agreement.
There is absolutely no benefit to circumcision. It's listed as a cosmetic surgery and isn't covered by most insurances nowadays. The foreskin is a natural part of the body, and contains 80% of the nerve endings that create sexual pleasure. As much as I hate the idea of our children ever having sex, I don't want to be responsible for making it less enjoyable than it has to be.
As much as I would love to say, "This is how it's going to be, deal with it," I can't. We are married and we are partners, for better or worse. Which means we have to talk and express ourselves, and try to understand each other. I can't force you into anything, or force you to think in a way I want you to. (I've already tried with keeping the kitchen clean, haha wink wink).. The only think I can do is share the information with you that has swayed my opinion, and hope it moves you as well. But PLEASE consider it. Even if you're dead set, don't just read it and scoff the whole time. Put real, true consideration and thought into it. This is one thing that can't be undone. We can't change our mind, and it's a big deal. At least he has the option to do it later if he wants. It will be less of a risk at adulthood, and significantly less painful. If we get it done when he's a baby, he can't decide he wants it undone later on.
I want to make it perfectly clear: you have a perfectly amazing penis that I couldn't be more satisfied with. There is no way i think it's "abnormal" or "different". Growing up, I was taught that circumcised = normal. My views on this aren't meant to make you feel inadequate or that there's something wrong with you, because you are perfect. You are a top notch example that circumcising won't always ruin a person, or their genitals. Just keep in mind there are thousands of boys, and men, and boy angels out there who weren't so lucky. Who have suffered. And I can't bear to put a child through that.
I'm actually a little scared. I know I talk about wanting to have another baby all the time, and how much I've been craving pregnancy and a second child, but this is one thing that scares me. When the time comes, and we're blessed with a beautiful little boy, I don't want this argument to tear us apart because of how strongly we both feel. So please talk to me. For more than five minutes. And be willing to listen, and ask questions, and discuss this topic a little more.
i love you dearest. I'm so thankful for you and our beautiful daughter, and our future children.
Love,
Your Loving Wife
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