Keep at it with the restoration. It's slow, its tedious, and you'll feel like its going no where sometimes - but its worth it. With perseverance we can regain what was taken from us and reclaim some of our sexual birthright. I wish you both good luck.

This is me too.

I will never fully understand why a father and mother that have normal intact sex would choose this for their son. they obviously know there is nothing medically wrong with an intact penis and must choosing it for cosmetic reasons. To me that is so sad. I'm more understanding of how a couple that has known nothing but circ would choose it for their son.

My grandfather was born at home in Italy in 1912 and immigrated to the US in 1913. When I told him my son (born in 1991) was uncut he said "Good! Leave it alone!" When I asked him why he had my uncle cut in the 50s, he said, "THOSE G-DAMN DOCTORS WILL CONVINCE YOU OF ANYTHING!"

Wow, that was very powerful. Your husband is very lucky to have you as a partner, even if he is unlucky to have been wounded by genital mutilation.

I also feel those sexual trade-offs sometimes too. I sometimes decide to not have sex because I don't want to deal with the emotional soup that gets stirred up when I feel terribly mutilated at the same time as I most want to feel happy, content, and close to my lover. I still struggle with explaining this to new lovers... There are just so many different ways that it hurts.

Thank you for sharing your story.

I, too, had a tight circumcision. Not as tight as the husband in this post, but still too tight. I tried wearing a restoring device when I started, but had no success. Fortunately, manual tugging with method 2 worked wonders. It was easy to manual tug with a tight shaft. I quickly noticed a big difference as a grew slack skin. He needs to try manual tugging or use a tape method until he has enough slack skin to wear a device comfortably.

I agree with you! I never thought anything was wrong with circumcision until now when I read this... I wish I had read this 9 months ago before my son was born. His father is cut and has never had any problems so I didn't think there would be. Plus, I am a Baptist and was always told that it is one of the things we do. Slamming someone because of not being informed is rude and immature. I feel personally attacked by this lady. I circumcised my son, without knowing this.

Not being informed about circumcision in 2012 is unacceptable !
Didn't you have internet 9 months ago ? Or were you just lazy ?

I was circumcised at one , and living in Europe surrounded by intact boys , I became aware of being mutilated at 10 !

Being 48 today , I feel personally attacked by circumcision every day for the last 38 years , and will feel that way until the day I die !

My body hasn't been respected , I have to live my whole life with a sexual mutilation I would NEVER have choosen for myself , and now I should walk on eggshells to not offend mothers who were too lazy to educate themselves about the body modification they wanted to impose on their own HEALTHY and NORMAL baby boys ?!

If the victims have to live with the pain and suffering of this despicable practice for their whole life , why shouldn't the perpetretors ?

What this shows is that circumcision has real victims with real expectations in life. Doesn't everyone want to enjoy a fulfilling sexual life? Doesn't everyone want to feel proud of their body -whether male or female? When you take a part of the body of the baby, the baby stays hurting inside the man. The man might repress it, but it's the baby who feels the loss for a lifetime.

And guess who caused the harm? Well meaning parents, doctors who should have been protecting the patient, hospitals who didn't stop to question the ethics of the procedure and people acting in the name of religion.

Do parents want to harm their babies? No. Does their decision has lifetime consequences? Yes. The harm is not any less real for those who have to live with it.

In order to change this cycle of abuse and harm, we have to call things what they are. We have to tell parents that good intentions are not enough, if they don't learn the facts, if they don't stop to question their cultural conditioning. We have to tell parents that kids get hurt, that the damage lasts a lifetime, and that it can happen to their baby. They have the power to prevent it, but they need to know that.

Agreed Dreamer, however, it should be done without attacking other people for doing what they believed was right. Every era and generation is different and each one learns from the one before. It doesn't change anything attacking well meaning parents. Parenting and trying to do the best by your children is the hardest job in the world---especially with all that is out there. Condeming people for decisions made in the past doesn't change the present circumstance but healthy attitude can go a long long way.

Wendy:
It depended a lot on the hospital and the provider. In the 1950's, there were a lot of hospitals and physicians that didn't ask for consent from parents, they just did what they wanted. Some parents do report being horrified at what was done to their son. For that matter, there are still some cases today of boys being mutilated without the consent of their parents.

That said, it's still the duty of the parents to protect their child from harm. I feel that very few parents take responsibility for their actions or failure to act. They try to excuse their failure with "I didn't know" or "they didn't ask me", which might be true, but are BS. If I were to kill someone, "I didn't know" or "I didn't mean to" might get me less time, but I'd still be going to prison.

I grew up feeling closeted about my feelings of mutilation. A simple "I did something terrible when I was a new parent, and I'm really sorry. I would feel very terribly hurt if I was you." would have done a lot for me as a teenager - it would have completely changed my worldview, and would have probably prevented a lot of emotional damage.

I've only ever met a few parents who were brave enough to own up to what they did to their son. (i.e.Failed to protect him.)

Very well said Jessica, I couldn't agree more. That is exactly how I felt reading the post as well.

" When I read the above post I am NOT being educated about the negative effects of being circumcised. "

Of course you are !

You are educated about the physical negative effects of circumcision for the sex life of the adult man , for his penis , and for his wife , and the negative emotions for the wife due to that unconsented amputation !

" When I read the above post I am NOT being educated about the negative effects of being circumcised. "

Of course you are !

You are educated about the physical negative effects of circumcision for the sex life of the adult man , for his penis , and for his wife , and the negative emotions for the wife due to that unconsented amputation !

If anyone had ever decided to remove a part of my genitals i would hate them, and i would let the world know that i hate them so that people would stop doing it.

I had the same problem, with the shaft completely bend to the left. When we were married (in 1957), our wedding night would have been a disaster, had my wife not been patient and understanding. After discussing the situation with her, I consulted a urologist about surgical foreskin restoration. But at that time, cosmetic surgery was in its infancy, and the results of surgical foreskin restoration were unaesthetic at best and beyond our financial means. I only found out about non-surgical restoration six year ago. Even though by that time my wife's Alzheimer's prevented her from comprehending what I had initiated, her earlier support in seeking surgical restoration kept me committed. She passed away two years ago, and did not have a chance to experience what she had expected. Still, I feel that I owe to her memory the commitment to a full restoration.
I understand your husband frustration: it took me several months of manual tugging on the short side before being able to put t-tapes around the shaft, and several more months to grow enough skin for a TLC.
You are a very gracious lady to support and encourage your husband in his restoration. If there is anything that I could say to help you and your husband, you may contact me at aschram13@mac.com.
Alfred Schram.

Exactly: you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

Well if that is the way you feel I suppose the author of the article had no right to write the article, being as she is a WOMAN!

Is the autor telling the victims of MGM HOW they should express their feelings in a more appropriate way ?

I don't think so !

No , she is just sharing in the most honest and sincere way her personal and painful experience , and a lot of people whith similar experiences are very grateful to her for her openness .

Well , I believe it's extremely important that to let people know how angry and hurt MGM victims feel ; cutters like to say that no man ever complains, when in fact we both know that they do !

I re-read the story , and she's just telling the facts , and this m.i.l. seems to be a pretty odious person !

First she has her son cut for the most superficial reason , aesthetics , and not only should parents not perform plastic surgery on their babys , but on healthy genitals is even worse : does she intend to have sex whith him one day ? How does she know his future partner will also prefer circumcised penises ?

Second strange thing , her own husband is intact , so she DOES know better ! Isn't she happy with her husband's intact penis ? And again , how can she assume that her son's future partner(s) will feel like her ?

And thirdly , instead of saying she's sorry for the wrong choice she's done back then , she seems to say that " she had the right to make so many years ago " .

What's wrong with this woman , can't she say she's sorry if she's made a mistake ?

Obviously , with an intact husband , she wasn't as ignorant as most american women back then , who had never even seen a foreskin .

Looks to me that this m.i.l. is a manipulative bitch , who's had her son's foreskin amputated as a kind of power play .

Sure she's bitter but the article is showing the reality behind the parent's saying "he'll thank me for it later"

And what person wouldn't be bitter in this situation? Someone else tampered with their sex life.

I don't think anything in the article ever stated a parent saying "he'll thank me later for it."
The issue is we live in a country where circumcision is the accepted norm. I don't think many of us living in America don't have at least one male relative that is circumcised. Are all of our relatives selfish, hateful, irresponsible people?
The word needs to be spread that this is not an option, but it has to be done in a tactful way.

I am not going to argue over this. If you can't see that we are on the same side of the debate, there is nothing I can do to change that. I will continue on my path of trying to put a stop to circumcision, and you continue on yours. Good luck.

Nicely put, Heather.
Men whose parents have told them how sorry, regretful they are about allowing them to be circumcised can have a better chance of dealing with the feelings of harm that comes with this violation. An apology tends to go a long, long way towards healing a very deep seated and personal wounding men can feel regarding genital mutilation.

Sorry, my mistake: not 'the author', but myself. Comment editing error.

This is the Admin. I have seen several comments whenever this article is posted where people tell me to have more compassion for my husband or to not be so hard on him. I've seen nowhere in my article where I have made it out that I don't already show him this! In fact I've said other than the pain issues our sex life is amazing.
I love my husband dearly and would never make him feel worse about this situation especially since it was put upon him by his family.

As for mother in law we actually do get along I just struggle with being Ok with her decision for my husband and I think the pain of that came across quite strong in this article.
My father in law definitely failed to stand up for his son but I also know he struggles with feelings of self worth due to the way his wife treats him so I am positive that had effect on the whole decision (which should never have been a decision for them to make) this does not let him off the hook but if you knew them personally you would understand more why/how he could have allowed it to happen.

Both parents have apologized to him at this point though I am unsure if they have changed their stance on circumcision. Our son IS intact.
Restoration is going slow. I get frustrated with the fact he doesn't do it as much as he COULD but I will not push the issue, it's deeply personal for him and I am not the one to tell him what to do with his body.

I read through your article just one time, but I didn't get any feelings of resentment from you towards your husband. I think people commenting are just trying to give you encouragement.

The only resentment I noticed was his towards his Mother. I thought this was unfair because she probably made this decision out of ignorance and not out of malice. If given the facts, would she really have intended this harm for her son? I don't know her, but I don't think she did. Even today the doctors tell parents circumcision is safer for their sons and prevents cervical cancer in their future wives.

What you said now about his Mother and Father apologizing, but not fully getting that the circumcision caused damage does confuse me. What part don't they get? Do they need to see it to understand? If I did something with good intentions but it turned out poorly, I would feel torn up by my bad decision. I would have a hard time forgiving myself until accepting that now that I know better, I will do better. What can his parents do at this point besides apologize? The good that comes from your husband's pain is sharing his story to inform the next generation of parents to keep their sons intact.

try using a condom while waiting for the restoration. The latex shields the tight skin from rubbing. Also, to relieve a little of the tension, use scar creme from RiteAid.

I really identify with the woman who wrote this story. My husband is also circumcised and the issue has recently come up since we found out that we're having a boy (first baby). We both kind of knew that we wouldn't circumcise our baby, after all why would we traumatize our son with a painful surgery that's medically unnecessary? But when we really started to research circumcision, we began to understand the profound effects it can have on a man, sexually, emotionally, spiritually.

We have sexual problems that we never really understood, but after learning about the sexual function of the foreskin and mechanics of sex, we both suspect that they are mostly related to the circumcision. Like the man in the article, my husband's penis is curved. Also, like many circ'd men, my husband suffers from premature ejaculation. Intercourse for us usually lasts, one, two minutes tops. After he orgasms, he experiences considerable pain and needs to withdraw immediately to stop the sensation--even the withdrawal itself hurts him--something that neither of us really understood before we started our research.

He's not the only one with problems. I have never been able to achieve orgasm with any of my partners, even before I was married. I just figured this is the way I am, and I'll just have to satisfy myself. It isn't as though orgasm is the end all be all--sex still feels good, even without it. But when I found out about the effects of circumcision, I went back in my head and remembered that all my partners happened to have been circ'd. After learning about the function of the foreskin and understanding what almost (but not quite) got me there, I now believe my inability to climax is partially due to the circumcision.

My husband understandably doesn't have much of an interest in sex. He says he's not really a very sexual person, and never has been. I think it's because he doesn't get very much enjoyment out of sex. When we do it, I am almost always the one to initiate it, and bless his heart, I think he does it more for my sake than his own. He confessed to me that it's easier for him to just masturbate to internet porn. That way he can stop the sensation immediately after orgasm and there's no pain.

I love my husband with all my heart and soul. We have a very strong bond. It breaks my heart that this was done to him. It hurts me to think of him as an infant suffering this horrible trauma and as an adult being denied the richness of sexual enjoyment that he might have experienced had he not been mutilated. Of course, I am sad that my enjoyment has been diminished as well. I feel lucky to have been born a girl in this country, as my gender seems to have protected me from genital cutting.

After we researched circumcision, my husband's anger at his parents grew. He already had a horrible relationship with his mother, who has been unkind and emotionally abusive throughout his life. His father is weak and henpecked and has never stood up for either him or his sister. Occasionally, his father has been abusive himself. They have treated him in ways that makes people's jaws drop when they hear the stories. He is incredibly angry at his parents for just going along with what everyone else was doing, instead of actually considering what they were choosing for their son at any level, even surface level.

Ironically, the surfacing of this circumcision issue has brought us closer together than ever and I love my husband even more, if possible. He's amazingly intelligent and extremely logical. But like most men, he has always been insecure about his sexual performance. We're very honest with each other. I have never faked an orgasm in my life, because it's just not in my nature to fake it, and he's always felt bad that I don't get off. But unlike a lot of circ'd men, he could never let his insecurity affect his decision for his son. I admire his emotional clarity so much, because I know how hard this is for most circ'd men. We are 100% in agreement no one is coming anywhere near our son's penis with a knife. I'm really happy that we're able to choose something better for our own son.

There are innumerable numbers of loving couples in your situations. Unfortunately, circumcision is not a subject which can be calmly and logically discussed. And the psychological damage caused by circumcision needs to be widely known to help young parents resist pressure.
It is not ironic at all that the circumcision topic brings couples closer together: it allows, especially for men, to discuss without fear some of the hidden anxieties about sexual performance. Couples who can freely talk to each other about this subject, will also be more likely to amicably decide on differences in all other matters. It did in my case, and several restoring men or their wives have reported the same outcome.
Foreskin restoration does help in many more ways for both partners. One of the unexpected results is a strong boost to self-confidence, especially for sexual performance. But the man must be willing to commit several years to restoration, and he has to decide for himself. Nagging will have the opposing effect. This is why the dissemination of reports of the benefits of restoration for both partners is more important than talking about the damages, which only reinforces the man's feeling of inadequacy. It sometimes takes as long as a year, before a man finally decides to restore, and this is where the loving understanding of the partner will show the way to gentle, but effective persuasion. Other persons may offer suggestions, but only the one who knows the man intimately can choose the proper approach.